Self-perception is biased in so many ways. We not only judge our appearance much more harshly than anyone else (and than we judge others), but also give our looks way too much importance.

We don’t see ourselves smile, our facial expression as we look, kindly, at something we find cute, we don’t see our eyes shining towards something new or interesting, we don’t see all our little ways that make each of us unique and beautiful in our own original way. All we see is the “ideal body” image we are sold by the media and all the things we are not when compared to it, and that is just so reductive. 

We usually look more beautiful than we think we do and, even if we didn’t, is that really important?

In my life, so much mental, physical and emotional effort has been spent trying to turn my body into something it is not, it is actually really sad. These days, after a lot of hard work, my “body” thoughts are mostly the following:

• Am I incorporating enough movement to ensure good health and well-being?

• Do the clothes I am wearing feel comfortable and allow me to be my best version? Because, let’s be honest, no one can radiate particularly positive vibes if their body is squeezed against tight fabric or their feet are squashed in uncomfortable shoes.

• Does the food I eat make me feel happy when I eat it and energised afterwards? This results in a mostly healthy and delicious diet sprinkled with the occasional junk food when my soul asks for it.

In the past, I wouldn’t leave the house (or my room, when I lived with flatmates) without covering my skin in foundation. These days, I don’t wear makeup unless I am going to a formal event like a wedding or something (maybe this is something to reconsider too). My skin isn’t perfect, I am a human being after all, but I honestly don’t think it is a big deal, because there is so much more to me than my imperfections, and the people I want to leave a positive impression on are the ones that look beyond my spots and care about more meaningful aspects of me.

Another side of this is that I have started looking at my “imperfections” with curiosity.

Why is my skin a little more spotty today? Why do I feel more bloated than usual? Why are my eyes puffy?

The answer to these things is usually “I am just not feeling my best”. Maybe I feel stressed, or have been slacking off on my diet, or haven’t been prioritising sleep. So then, when I listen to my body, instead of judging it or covering it up, there are things I can do about it, to actually feel good! Isn’t it just so clever and great? I thing it is.

So, if you engage in negative self-talk regularly, feel like you are not good enough as you are or just find yourself trying to change your body to conform with unrealistic standards or to obtain external validation, try to pause, listen with curiosity to how you actually feel, remember you don’t see your own little ways when you are engaged and being your genuine self and, finally, that the way you look isn’t actually that important to the people that matter.